Why being Selfish at Sixty changed my life

It’s two years since I started this blog and in that relatively short space of time, so much has changed.

I wrote it to mark my 60th birthday and to kick off my year of being ‘Selfish At Sixty’ – where each month I was going to do something lovely, new or adventurous. Where I was basically going to selfishly dedicate a year to being me, travelling the world, trying new things, and challenging myself. 

It was always going to be a big ask because two months previously my husband had died very suddenly and unexpectedly, and I was still reeling from that and trying to find a positive way forward, to fill in the blank that had appeared where my future used to be. But I really wanted to try, and I had made so many plans, booked lots of trips – I was set for a year of challenge and adventure.  Then came the pandemic, shortages, restrictions, lockdowns galore, trip after trip cancelled… well, we all know what it was like.  

Obviously I didn’t have the celebration year that I’d planned, but as I reflect on that time I realise that what I did have was a ‘selfish’ year in the true sense of the word. Lockdowns were a relief to me.  I didn’t have to force myself to accept invitations to lunch, for coffee, or a trip to the cinema – all very well-meaning and ultimately good for me, but the very last thing I wanted to do. Lockdown gave me the perfect excuse to shut the door, lie on the sofa and pull a blanket over me while watching box set after box set.

Both my daughters came home and had to stay in the house with me.  Agony for them perhaps, but a relief for me.  I had company, they brought conversation and light and fun, and we shared some delicious meals with all of us cooking and then sitting afterwards chatting and laughing and feeling like a family.

Thanks to Zoom, I saw my extended family more than ever as we quizzed our way through Sunday nights, and I could still join in fun times with friends knowing that when it all got too much I could make swift apologies and press the Leave Meeting button. No explanations or prolonged goodbyes required.

But most of all, I spent that time looking inwards, allowing myself to feel what I felt, to sit with my thoughts and emotions.  It was hard, uncomfortable, and there were times I hated it and had to give myself a virtual shake to stop myself sinking too low.  But that prolonged period of self-reflection allowed me to see what I really wanted from my life, to appreciate what that often used phrase ‘you never know the moment’ means in reality, to work my way through all those feelings, thoughts, emotions and desires, and to make a profound change in my life.

So, at the end of my celebration year, rather than having a party to mark 12 months of adventure and travel and fun, I took a very deep breath and resigned from a job that, for a decade,  I’d been unhappy doing.  More than that,  I closed the 43 year long chapter that was my working life, and I opened a new chapter where the focus is on spending my days doing the things I enjoy and want to do.

That year of reflection allowed me to consider each element of my life and to see what was really important to me. Alongside that I worked out what I’d need financially and practically in the course of the next five, 10, 30 years, and put in place a robust support system that means I can afford the life I want to live.   It’s not lavish or big spending, far from it. But it’s enough.  

A few weeks into my ‘new chapter’ (I refuse to call it retirement, as I’ve definitely not retired from life) a family member asked me:  ‘Without work and the purpose it brings, what is it that gets you out of bed in the morning?’

My reply was instant:  ‘I only ever do things I want to now, so getting out of bed for that is easy!’  It was, on reflection, a true year of being Selfish at Sixty. 

Today I celebrate my 62nd birthday.  I’ve had nine months in my new chapter, and I’m absolutely loving it. I hope that in recounting all of this I don’t come across as smug or ‘sorted’, because I am neither of these things.  There were and still are times of crashing sadness, worry that I’m doing the wrong thing, and soul-searching.  There is still so much about my future that is uncertain and scary, and so much about being me that I need to work on or discover for the first time.  But now I have the freedom and a more open mindset to help me learn, and I hope to share these with you in more regular blogs.

Thanks for reading, and here’s to the power of selfishness.